Broken Records and Pillow.

Dear Everyone,

Random post here but I'm really depressed again.
When I first started this blog is was a meant to be a way for me to express my feelings of loneliness and depression of being a teenager. I dreamt of writing beautiful passages filled with metaphors and deep meaning. But in my natural personality, I stall if I'm not motivated. And that's what I was lacking motivation, to get out of bed in the morning, to pick up a pen or turn on my computer. Not even motivated enough to talk to people, anyone; even if it was just small talk. I didn't the core power to pull myself to open mouth and blurt out anything.

I thought I was guarded. A locked book. No one would no anything about me. But once I made this realisation I was blind to the fact that I wouldn't shut up. I would scare people away because I talked too much. I always prided myself by being the mysterious guy. But yet a stranger on the street could write my biography for me. I was that desperate for a connection. Human or not. The reason I say that is because I soon found myself talking to a pillow. I know it's a perfectly sane thing to do as I see my lonely Sims do it all the time. But I thought I would never be the one doing it.

If it interests you, I'll tell you the names I gave my pillow (and just so you know, nothing sexually happened between me and the pillow's characters. EVER)

Introducing:

• Cameron: he was the perfect son; sporty, charming and funny. He was everything I ever wanted to be for anyone.
• Sophie-Anne: She was my best friend. French, dark chocolate hair and eyes and had an appreciation of the golden age of Hollywood. I could tell her anything.
• Michelangelo: he was a Spanish med student, who helped me redecorate my room with renovated vintage furniture in bright colours that made me somewhat happy.
• Shane: He was the older father figure I dreamed of. He convinced me to try out for the school sports and helped me with my crushes.
• Scott: he was like a man's gay best friend. Always giving advice and there for comical relief. But apart from that, useless.
• Dakota: she was the soon to be famous actress, I escaped to the beach with (I didn't literally take the pillow to the beach). And we would laugh at the people watching us throughout the day.
• Joshua: the inspiration you look for in books, poems, art and music.
• Shay: the guy you can’t believe is your friend because you’re so different.
• Chase: the one you were looking for along.

And there are the only people who know me truly. But right now I feel like everyone knows me and it's horrible. It's a funny thing isn’t it, what we want, we work for. When we get, we don't want it. We're never happy and that's what the world turns on. People's unhappiness.

Now exactly at this point of writing this I realised something. If I claimed to have no motivation, how did I have enough to get off my arse and not shut up? Well I would like to say the answer is simply but honestly.... I can’t think of anything. The best I can come up with is that I suppose I had enough self respect to do something about it. I knew what I wanted and I went for it.

And letting everyone know about I guess.....

Rather now than forever.

Mr. Ryan