Too Nice

Dear everyone,

I'm way too nice. I have this cold hard, bitchy exterior which I wear well and for too long. People know not to come near me when I'm pissed and if you’re not in good graces with me, to keep your distance. Not my best characteristic but it helps to have that shield when you’re hurting and over think everything.

But I hate pain. I cringe like a little girl at blood and gore on screen and got teary whilst watching the video clip for 'I Was Only Nineteen'. Right now I feel like a brainwashed soldier that killed the villagers; children and all. Deep down I know it's wrong but from what we're told, they apparently deserve it. In my scenario I think my villager does. For too long have I protected them, when all along they were the enemy. I hate to think this because then I have no allies. But do I turn them in as an enemy villager or keep going with life because I know once the war is over; they might be an ally again.

I like to think I have the answers, but I'm so unsure as what to do right now that I feel guilty. I may be talking myself up as being 'too nice'. But at least I know who to be nice to and who not to, I think.

Sometimes I just think life is too hard. But the lump on my head has gone down and I’m dealing with things pretty well I'm glad to report.

Rather now than never.

Mr. Ryan